40 Beauty Questions TAG

Helloooo lovely people.
I currently have three assignments in before term ends and a tonne of birthdays to celebrate (including mine WHOO!!) so I don't really have time to write a decent post for you.  So as usual here's a lazy post.  The 40 Beauty Questions TAG!!! Enjoy.

Here are the questions:

SKINCARE
-How many times do you wash your face daily?

Twice, morning and evening.

-What skin type do you have? (dry,oily,combo)

 Midway between dry and extra super dry...

-What is your current facial wash?

 Simple smoothing facial cleanser.

-Do you exfoliate?

 Yeah, like once a fortnight. Three weeks at a push.

-What brand do you use?

 At the minute, Soap and Glory because it was the closest one to me when I walked into Boots.  I get whatever's cheap and works for my skin.

-What moisturizer do you use?

 Again whatever's cheap and works for me.  I have a lot of allergies so I tend to stick to plain aqueous cream or Cocoa Butter.  I mix it up every now and again but those are my two go to's.

-Do you have freckles?

 Yes, but they don't show through if I wear foundation so I can go with or without depending on how I feel that day.

-Do you use eye cream?

 Sometimes, not as often a I should.

-Do you or did you have acne prone skin?

 Nope.  Fun fact for you, ginger people don't get acne.  We can get spots, just not acne.  So yeay for me!!

-Did you ever have to use Pro-activ?

 Nope, in fact all I know about it is Katy Perry did an advert for it time ago.



MAKE-UP
-What foundation do you use?

 I don't really anymore.  My skin's so pale it's hard to find a match.  When I do wear it it's usually Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse in Ivory (010) or Rimmel True Match Liquid Foundation in Ivory (010) and then a tonne of blending to make it work for me.

-How about concealer?

 I'm luckier with concealer.  I can use anything that's light so whatever's the cheapest.  At the moment I'm using Rimmel True Match Concealer in light.

-Do you know your undertone color?

 Honestly, I don't even know what that is...

-What do you think of fake eyelashes?

 I like them every now and then but I have quite small eyes so they make me look ridiculous unless I get tiny ones that look the same as my natural lashes.

-Did you know that you are suppose to change your mascara every 3 months?

 I didn't, I thought it was 6.  As it happens I use so much mascara that I go through a tube in about 2 months so lucky old me.

-What brand of mascara do you use?

 Whatever's on offer... I'm a student I can't afford expensive makeup... right now I think it's Rimmel Scandaleyes Lycra Flex in black.

-Sephora or MAC?

 Neither, I prefer drug store makeup for my skin.  And my bank account prefers the price too.

-Do you have a MAC Pro-card?

 Nope, nor do I want one.

-What makeup tools do you use in make up application?

 A few brushes, my fingers and a mirror...

-Do you use make-up base/primer for the eyes?

 Nope, I use a general face primer and it keeps it all in there.

-For the face?

 Yep, the one I use now is the best I've ever used.  It's L'oreal Studio Secrets Anti-Redness Primer.

-What is your favorite eyeshadow (color or shade)?

 Anything from the Sunkissed palette.  I'm a huge fan of autumnal makeup and the whole palette is perfect for this.

-Do you use pencil or liquid eyeliner?

 Both, black liquid on top, black pencil on my tightline and a white pencil liner on my waterline.

-How often do you poke your eyes with an eyeliner pencil?

 Never, I think the last time I was about 15 so... 7 years ago!!

-What do you think of pigment eyeshadows?

 Love them.  End of discussion.

-Do you use mineral makeup?

 Sometimes, whenever I go back to my Mam's house I bob into e.l.f. and get a few bits.

-What is your favorite lipstick?

 That's like asking which is my favourite child.  I refuse to answer such an offensive question.

-How about lipgloss?

 I hate lipgloss...

-What is your favorite blush to use?

 It's actually the first one I ever got... Sally Hanson Mineral Blush in Cherub (05)

-Do you buy your makeup on ebay?

 Nope.  I have four makeup shops within a two minute walk from my house.  Why would I do that?

-Do you like drugstore makeup?

 Keep up questions, I already said it's all I wear.

-Do you go to CCO’s? (cosmetic company outlets)

 I think so... is Fragrance Direct one of those?  If so yes, but only when I'm at Lee's and stupidly left my makeup bag at home... (no shops anywhere and no car = sad panda)

-Did you ever consider taking make-up classes?

 Yeah, I wanted to do stage makeup if I didn't end up going to uni to do English.

-Are you clumsy in putting on makeup?

 No, I'm like a master painter.  Gosh I'm funny...

-Name a makeup crime that you hate?

 Scouse brows.

-Do you like colorful shades of makeup (lipstick,eyeshadow) or neutral ones?

 Neutral usually, but every now and then I like to shock the world and actually wear a colour.

-Which celebrity always has great make up?

 Lauren Conrad.  That beautiful creature she is.  Ooh and Hilary Duff.


-If you could leave the house using just ONE make up item,what would you use?

 Eyebrow pencil.  Always.

-Could you ever leave the house without any makeup on?

 I do a lot.  I'm too lazy to do my face to go round the corner.

-Do you think you look good even without any makeup on?

 Yes an no.  If I've been crying or had an allergic reaction then fuck no.  Otherwise I look fine, 12, but fine...

-In your opinion, what is the BEST makeup line?

 I couldn't possibly answer that.  I've not use enough to really judge.

-What do you think of Makeup?

Clearly I'm a fan.  But if it's not done well then what's the point?





Again, I did this because I have loads of uni work and this is the only time of year I ever really socialize so I like to keep out of the house and away from my laptop.
I hope you enjoyed it.




nicholaannexx

7 Deadly Sins of Beauty Tag

Hey guys!!

It is currently 02.55am and I'm up editing an assignment that's due in at 4pm tomorrow. I finished it two day ago but I've only just got round to proofreading and editing as I've had food poisoning all week.  I know, I know.  Poor old me...so I felt I deserved a five minute break and thought I'd give you a quick update.

So once again I am doing a tag video... most of the views I get are on beauty/tag posts so I thought if that's what the public wants, that's what they want... I'm doing the 7 deadly sins of beauty because like most people with low self confidence, I am obsessed with covering my face and nails in things they don't need to be covered in to make myself feel more secure about imperfections I have that no-one else can see...that and I like the concept. ENJOY!!!

Side-note: I know I don't need make-up to make me happy, and my friends, family and boyfriend all do an amazing job of helping me see how great I can be... however, every so often I just feel like I need that eyebrow pencil to really kick self-confidence in the crotch. Plus, I have brow skills for days!!!

My Halloween nails (only a smidge late)

Hey guys,


So as my most popular post was my 'a few of my favourite things' nail edition post I thought I'd do another one for you guys showing you how I did my nails for Halloween last week.

I wore this nail look for about five or six days without finding any chipping, but removed them simply because I wanted a clean nail look.  I find that the products I used allowed for a polished finish that was difficult to smudge or chip and left a long lasting colour.

I'll put up a few shots of the individual nails and list which products I used as with the above mentioned blog post.  I hope you like it.





My overall nail look.
So on the left hand you can see my final design.  I was pretty pleased with the overall appearance (even though my ring finger doesn't look so much like the character I wanted it to) and thought that they were nice as a Halloween look that still remains cute and doesn't look too fiddly.

I took a snap of the right hand before adding the Halloween designs to it to give you a better look at the colours I used once they had dried as they're all a bit more subtle then they look in the bottles.

In the middle you can see the products that I chose to use.  In regards to how bold a colour I decided to use, I could have gone for some very vibrant block colours such as a bright green, obnoxious orange or other bright colours.  However, I personally prefer the more gentle pastel tones here.  This is entirely my personal preference but as I was the one wearing them around all day I feel I was justified in my decision.

This look was one of the two easiest to do and required only three products.  I used one nail colour, a nail art pen and a top coat.  the design was easy to do and could have been any pumpkin look - I chose this generic carved pumpkin face.

The process.
To start with I filled in the nail with the block colour I wanted.  I chose this coral colour (essie resort collection in 'Resort Fling')  as I thought it was a cute subtle orange that wouldn't be too 'in your face'.  I applied about three coats in total.
Once the base colour had dried I took a Barry M nail art pen in black and put five dots onto the nail.  One for the centre of each eye, one on either side of the mouth and one in the centre of the mouth.  Then I drew the basic smiley face around the dots.
Once that was done I filled in the mouth with little incisions around the smile line to create a carved pumpkin look.
When the face details had dried I threw in some lines to give the effect of the pumpkin shape, and I added a root at the top of the face towards the cuticle.
When all of the details of the face had dried I went back over them to make them a tad bolder.  Then I put a coat of Barry M basecoat, topcoat and hardener on to seal the design.

This was the other easiest design to do.  For this design I used four products.  You can see that the black paint has cracked, this is because I only put on one thin coat of the product as opposed to two.  I liked to overall finish of this and decided to leave it as it was.  The lopsided mouth reminded me of Samara's victims in The Ring,  Edvard Munch's The Scream, and of course the masked killer in the film series Scream (which I never linked to the painting before...).

The process.

For this design I used my Barry M Silk Nail Paint in 'Pearl' and added two coats of the colour.
When this had dried I took my nail art pens from Barry M in black and white and drew out a ghoulish face.  I put two large dots of black on for the eyes and then drew a random shape for the mouth which I thought would look like the scary icons I modelled it after.
Again once this had dried I went over the eyes in another coat of black and then dotted them with the white nail art pen.  I didn't do two coats for the mouth because I liked the cracked effect.
When this had all dried I out my topcoat on to seal it.

This is your stereotypical Dracula inspired vampire.  It required four products.  The process was really simple and I think it's really cute and effective.  However, I wish I'd added another coat of black for his hair and taken a bit more time doing his mouth and fangs as they're a bit messy... but in spite of this, I think its a great design.  I chose this colour because I couldn't find another 'skin-like' colour other than the usual French manicure colour, which under usual circumstances would be perfect but in this case didn't look right with the other colours in the overall look.

The process.
I put on two coats of essie Resort Fling 'Cocktails and Coconuts' for the base of the face.
Next I took the same black nail art pen from BarryM and drew out a curved 'V' shape to form his hair-line.  Then I filled it in.  (In hindsight I should have done another coat)...
I drew out a curved line to form his mouth and then added a couple of triangles to it to form his fangs.
I let the black paint dry and then filled in the triangles with my white nail art pen to form his fangs.
Once all the paint had dried I sealed it with my topcoat.

Believe it or not, this is supposed to be Frankenstein's monster.  Now I'm the first person to point out how shit this is, but if you look at the image on my actual nail you'll think this one is a million times better.  the original on my actual nails looked like the Hulk!!! again this look was really simple, it used three products and was pretty straight forward.  I think it'd look a lot better if someone else with better artistic capabilities did it.  I think I'd try a different look next time as I'm not too keen on this look on its own. 
So if you're not totally repelled by this then here's how to do it...

The process.I used Rimmel London's 'Jaded Green' for this look.  I have a lot of green's but I thought this one complemented the other colours best.  I only needed one coat for this but added two just to build a solid base.
Then I began to build the face.  I started by drawing in his hair in random triangles and filling them in.
Next I added semi circles for his eyes, dots for his nose and a line for his mouth.
When I was happy with his face and hair, I added a small triangle on either side of his face to form the bolts that you see in American versions of the monster.
I went over everything with a second coat of black paint.
Then I sealed it all with my topcoat.

I was planning to use a grey nail colour for this but couldn't find any of my grey's... so I opted for another colour from my essie Resort Fling collection.  Again I decided not to go over the black again as I liked the cracked effect and thought it pulled together the whole dry, mummified look.  This design called four four products.

The process.
I found that this colour was quite thin so I ended up applying three coats of essie 'Find Me an Oasis' from the Resort Fling collection.
Then I used the black nail art pen and drew a thick band of black all the way across the nail just above center.  I filled this in.
I branched off from the thick band adding some thin curved lines to form the bandages.
When the black had dried I went over the bandage lines to make them bolder and a bit tattier looking.
I added white circles to the thick band and then dotted them with black to make the eyes.
After this I sealed the look with my topcoat.

And that's everything I did to make these Halloween inspired nails.  I hope you like them and found this post useful.

If you have any questions about the products I used or would like to recommend a new look for me to try out, then please feel free to leave me a comment.



nicholaannexx

"The TMI Tag"

Hello beautiful people!


So today I'll be doing 'the TMI tag', which was created by the beautiful and crazy talented Carrie Hope Fletcher in October 2013.  The reason I'm doing this is because it seems fun and I thought this'll give you a bit more information on who I am and what I love, and hopefully you'll enjoy it.

Milky with a dash of ginger! Coffee culture in modern society.

I have an addiction to caffeine.
No seriously.

Born and raised in West Yorkshire, I was practically weaned off the breast and onto a teapot.  Aged nine I sampled my first espresso and my God it was grim.  However,once my dad showed me the magic ingredients that are milk and sugar I was hooked.
On average I drink about 8/9 mugs of tea a day during the week, and 4/5 coffee's on the weekend.

I like to experiment with different flavoured syrups, sugars, different types of milk, froth, no froth... this has resulted in me being called 'such a white girl' by my housemates.  When I asked what that statement meant I was told that I was obsessing in the culture of coffee that was introduced to us from America.  That, and my VERY active Instagram account fueled with snaps of my latest beverage and my 'mugshots'* apparently resulted in making me a stereotypical 'white girl'.

In light of this I decided to take a look at the nation's obsession with tea and coffee.  Why do we spend such a great amount of money on drinks from a franchise when we are perfectly capable of making a decent brew ourselves?  What exactly is so good about a mochaccino, or a skinny soya decaf latte? Why are we allowing huge corporations to take over our towns and buy out the quaint little coffee houses we spent out Saturday afternoons in
as kids?

British culture and tea drinking.

I do however LOVE a nice cuppa though.  It is very typically British to partake in the consumption of a mug or two of tea during the day.  So if it's so British to drink tea, why are the majority of our hot drink franchises coffee shops? Why are tea rooms diminishing to make way for multiple Starbucks' and Costa's in each and every town in the UK?  After a tad of Googling I found that my love of tea is not to do with me actually enjoying the drink, but rather to do with my astounding patriotism to my country and it's national drink (though we did steal it from China...), and also the geography of where I was raised in England.  Why is it then, that I cannot purely enjoy tea?  Why does it have to be that I'm English and was raised in the tea capital of Britain?  

Americanism and coffee culture.

If tea is associated with Britain, and coffee is associated with America why are there so many coffee shops in the UK whilst drinking tea is suddenly a trend in the US?  I mean the town I live in currently got a Starbuck's in the Student's union two years ago and it was in all the local news.  We got a big one in the town centre a fortnight ago and no-one can stop talking about it.  (Though in fairness it's probably mainly to do with the incredibly bad Welsh translations they have on the walls.)  I went into a small cafe a few days ago with a friend and asked for a cuppa tea and was told that they only served coffee (of at least 40 varieties), hot chocolate or iced drinks.  I then found a 'proper' British cafe that agreed with carrying the apparently outlawed tea.  When ranting about this atrocity to my course mates an American friend of mine told me that she didn't understand why I 'needed' a cup of tea and that whenever she felt like a beverage she walked towards the coffee pot, hands shaking with anticipation.  I told her that her dirt water did not appeal to me in any way unless it was pumped full of milk and sugar to a point where it tasted at least somewhat like a bad cup of tea.  She then got very huffy with me and told me tea tasted like piss.
After this utterly hilarious conversation (which we are now laughing about) I thought about how we were so riled up and eager to defend our 'national' drinks and for the life of me I cannot understand why we have claimed these as ours and why we get so defensive about them.  I guess it's because they're everywhere we turn, coffee shops cropping up on every street corner.  Cafes luring hipsters in with promise of book sales, open mic nights and the best damn hibiscus tea you'll ever Instagram.  I guess the real reason we give a crap is because tea and coffee has been drilled into our heads as a national emblem to the point where obsess over them endlessly.  We are literally being Starbuck'd.

Starbucking: corporations taking over.

Starbucking is the taking over of small businesses in order to make way for large corporations and franchises.  The best example of this is in fact the popular coffee house Starbucks.  With so many shops popping up all over the globe is this the reason that we have become so obsessed with coffee?!!  Are we being forced into it by some mad coffee dealers, Fairtrade, or even the governments?!!  I'm not sure, but whatever way you look at it, we're participating in the hostile takeover of small coffee shops, tea rooms, and book nooks to make way for empty framed, ironic permed, skinny jeaned dicks who think they're 'cool' because they have their name incorrectly spelled on the side of a cardboard cup...  I know for a fact I'm guilty.  My university campus has a Starbucks in the Union and with 5% student discount and a further 10% off for student reps I'd be a fool not to take up the offer of reduced rate froth with a shot of coffee underneath it, right?  RIGHT?!!

Starbucks v Costa.

So what's the difference between Starbucks and Costa?  Other than the Christmas drinks of course.  Pumpkin spiced latte or black forest hot chocolate?  The decisions, the decisions...  

Here is a nifty litle poll which has decided this for me, take a look...  http://worldversus.com/CostaCoffee-vs-StarbucksCoffee


Have I piqued your interest..?

If I have then here're a few sites and articles that I found pretty interesting when looking into this.  And also a couple of definitions for you.  Perhaps you should pop the kettle on before you read these... ;)

The origins of tea in UK society
http://www.tea.co.uk/a-social-history

Americanisms swamping the UK?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1282449/Americanisms-swamping-English-wake-smell-coffee.html

Simon Pegg explaining Starbucking
http://www.villagevoice.com/2013-08-14/film/the-worlds-end-interview/

Urban Dictionary definition of 'Starbucking'
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=starbucking

Politically incorrect jokes about coffee
http://www.anti-anti-americanism.com/blog/2009/01/the-fly-in-the-coffee-cup/

*'Mugshot'

A 'mugshot' is a photo of a person's face half hidden behind their mug as they drink their latest beverage of such importance that it is then published on the internet.  Kind of a 'selfie' with drinks...



nicholaannexx

A few of my favourite things... nail edition.

Something you don't know about me is that I am obsessed with nails and makeup!

I've always been interested in fashion and beauty and in the past few years I have become very passionate about makeup and nail care.  At uni I gained a bit more confidence with both of these things and began experimenting more and more.

I've been spending a lot of time pissing about with nail art since uni finished and I've found a few of my new favourite products and designs in doing so.

So, for your viewing pleasure here're some of the nail art designs I've been loving this season.

This particular look was created using five nail colours and some striping tape.  It is a little fussy but not too difficult and looks great so is worth it.

The Process.
I started by applying a base coat of BarryM Silk Nail Paint in 'Pearl' - I did this because I wanted the white lines in between each colour to be of a different texture and to have a ethereal shine to it.  Then I left this for a minute to dry.

Next I put a few strips of striping tape along the nail in the design I wanted.  I decided upon slightly diagonal stripes as it was a little different without being too faffy.
The next step was putting the bold colours over the white nail pigment stopping each colour at the tape.

The colours and brands I used are:
BarryM Nail Paint in 'Shocking Pink'
City Color Nail Polish in 'Hollywood Hills'
W.I.P. in 'light blue'
Essie Nail Polish in 'Resort Fling' (Resort Collection)

I allowed these colours to dry, topped them off with a second coat and allowed them to dry again.  Then I peeled away the striping tape to reveal the white silk nail varnish beneath.  I find that if you leave the top colours to dry before removing the striping tape it doesn't smudge the colour.

For this look I used three nail colours and a nail art pen.  I would recommend using nail tip templates to do this look but they are not necessary.

The Process.
For this look I used the same pink nail varnish as before; I gave it two coats and allowed each to dry fully before beginning on the 'rind' of the watermelon.
I wanted to create a dual layer 'rind' for the nail as the inside of a watermelon usually has a pale green/yellow colour running between the outer shell and the flesh inside.  I used a nail colour that came as a free sample with a magazine.  The above nail polish is from Company magazine, most high street shops will carry a similar colour; the one I used is a mint green shade. I allowed this to dry and then moved on to the outer shell.
For this I used a dark green shade similar to that of a watermelon's shell.  I chose another BarryM paint.  I painted the tip freeform but would recommend using a tip template for a neater finish.
Once this had dried I took one of my black nail art pens and created the seeds of the watermelon.  I allowed all of this to dry and then sealed it with a topcoat of clear nail varnish.

The colours and brands I used are:

Barry M Nail Paint in 'Shocking Pink'BarryM Gelly hi-Shine Nail Paint in 'Watermelon'BarryM Nail Art Pen in 'black'

For this look I wanted to use a silk texture nail paint again as it leaves a nice shine to the nail without looking glossy - sometimes I don't like glossy nails.  I wanted to create a bee that had a 3D body and 2D detailing.  The product I used to give the 3D effect took quite a while to dry which infuriated me as I am impatient as hell!! However, I really enjoyed creating this one.

The Process.

I applied a base coat of the pale blue silk polish and allowed it to dry before applying a second coat.  This created a solid foundation for the main design to be placed upon.  I chose a pale blue silk to look a tad more like the sky than a glossy polish would allow...
Once the base had dried I took my 3D nail art pens and put a small ball of the product onto the blue base.  The product I used it slightly spongey when dried and is full of air bubbles when wet - these do go away once the product is dry - I used the applicator to spread the colour out into the size and shape I wanted.  This product took an hour or so to dry but would dry much faster under a lamp.
Once the body of the bee had dried I took a black nail art pen and drew on the bee's stripes, sting, antennae and face.
I waited for the black nail polish to dry before applying the wings as I didn't want the two colours to bleed together.  Once completely dry I then used a white nail art pen to draw on the wings.

The colours and brands I used are:
BarryM Silk Nail Paint in 'Mist'
Fringed Iris 3D-Art Pens in 'yellow'
BarryM Nail Art Pen in 'black'
Barry M Nail Art Pen in 'white'

I didn't apply a topcoat to this look as I didn't want the clue to be glossy.  I prefer it to be silk and ethereal but topcoat can be applied if this suits your preference.

This nail was created using three nail colours and a dotting and marbling tool.  I would usually use a nail art pen to create flower petals but decided against it for this look.  I wanted a rustic finish that wasn't too neat but was still quite neat.  One of the products I used for this is 11 years old so the label has worn off but fortunately I can still remember what shop it's from and have checked to make sure they still sell it, which they do!

The process.
First I chose a pale blue nail polish that would show the design off well without drawing attention away from the daisies.  I decided on blue over green as I thought it made the yellow stand out a bit clearer.  I applied my base coat and a second coat to create the foundation of the nail.

Next I took a plain white nail polish and put a few drops onto a piece of card.  I then got a dotting/marbling tool and roughly drew on the petals.  I placed them quite far away from each other to prevent them from bleeding together.
Once the petals had dried I took a yellow nail varnish to make the pollen inbetween the petals.  I chose a neon nail colour to add a little bit of shine to the centre of the flower drawing all of the eyes attention to the flower as opposed to the base colour.

The colours and brands I used are:
Essie Nail Polish in 'Find me an oasis' (Resort collection)
BarryM Nail Paint in 'Matt white'
Claire's Accessories's nail varnish in 'neon yellow'

I added a clear topcoat to this design to keep it intact and add a little more shine to the neon yellow polish.

Of course there are a tonne more designs which are out there, several of which I daren't attempt, but these are my current four favourites.  I think that all of these work really well as feature nails and should be worn on only one finger per hand and paired with a block colour on the remaining digits.  The daisy design however is simple enough to apply to all nails without looking too fussy.  I hope you've enjoyed looking at these designs and will attempt to have a go at some of them yourself.  If you have done a similar design to one of these or have an idea you'd like to share let me know below.  If you have any different products you'd like to recommend I'd love to know about them.

Take care,

nicholaannexx

A brief introduction...

I don't know you, and I can guarantee you don't know me.
Not many do.
I have my friends and family who like to think they know me, but who ever really knows themselves fully, never mind others?!!
I think there are only two people other than myself who know me very well at all; they are my brother and my boyfriend.

So; as you've made the decision to waste away your days reading my ramblings I thought perhaps we should get to know one another.

Hi I'm Nic.

I am 21, from Halifax in West Yorkshire.
I'm ginger, blue eyes, 5'5", weigh A LOT more than I should do, and I'm about 70% happy with my life.

To any of you who read my post on Sunday night (11th) you can probably guess the 30% of my life that I'm not happy with.  To those who did not, it's just general self doubt and disappointment with the world.

I'm relatively quiet when I want to be.  I spend most of my hours reading, writing, drawing, sleeping and torturing Sims into having 'perfect' lives whilst simultaneously neglecting their needs for my own sick pleasure.
Sometimes however, I'm incredibly loud.  I have a laugh like gunfire, I can belt out a tune louder than any amp, and I can definitely talk.

I study English literature and education at Aberystwyth University and I aspire to be an English teacher with a bit of moonlighting as a writer.

I drink a flip load of tea, I eat what I want in moderation, I walk less often than I should - but for medical purposes... (shallow femoral grooves under my patellas resulting in repetitive dislocation)

I like hugs.  /i mean I reeeally like hugs.  A hug can save lives, just remember that.  You never know when someone will need a bit of comfort.

And in all that's about all you need to know about me right now.

If there is anything in particular you'd like to know about me, let me know and I'll try to let you know.

But for now, thank-you for your eyes, ears, and most importantly your abysmal taste in bloggers.

nicholaannexx

Resitting my second year of university...

Since I was four years old I have wanted to be an English teacher.  Don't ask me why... something about the excessive hours, general abuse from students and ten years off my life expectancy appealed to me.  As such, I have spent almost 18 years working towards being a teacher.

Being 21 and having spent the majority of your life working towards something and still not being there is a tad frustrating as I figured out over the Summer...

I was flitting between the West coast of Wales and West Yorkshire every few weeks and had no stability to help find myself a Summer job.
This was the first stepping stone.
My boyfriend was spending the whole Summer with his family in the Midlands, and a fortnight with his grandparents in Spain.  In total I think we spent nine days out of the whole Summer together...
This was the second stepping stone.
Two of my housemate were working in our uni town over the Summer and were going out a lot with their new mates, spending days going on road trips and earning enough money to not worry about anything.  I however did not have a job...
This was the third stepping stone.
I found myself spending all of my overdraft on Summer rent, bills and food.  In just two months I'd blown through the whole £1000.
Since then no matter how careful I am with my loans and grants, I am always £1000 down.  I'm not in debt, but it does add pressure to me for when I eventually graduate.  Having this financial matter looming over me like a dark cloud for 9 months has slowly driven me mental.
This was the final stepping stone.

So over the past few months I have been considering either leaving university or resitting my second year.  I've not been enjoying my course and came to a realization that I was deliberately failing without realizing it.  I have a habit to self-destruct.  It's been that way since I was eleven; I just surround myself with bad people and negativity until I drag myself down into a submissive state where I don't matter.  As such, I've not spent enough time thinking about how my degree is just that one step closer to my dream.
Instead I've been thinking that it's clearly not going to happen and that I should therefore just pack it in.
As I'm sure you can guess, this is not a good way to think.  I've not got myself to the point where daily breakdowns where the question 'what am I doing with my life' are a perfectly normal way to spend your mornings.

I'm now in the process of applying to resit my second year pending my exam results over the Summer.  Though this is only a formality.  I have an exam on 20thC British Literature tomorrow afternoon from 2-5pm and I cannot for the life of me think of a word to say.  I've read and reread the books more times than I care to think about but I can't retain the information.  I've never been so scared about an exam in my life.

So for now I suppose I have to pull up my bootstraps, have a nice relaxing shower and spend tomorrow morning cramming Joyce until Ulysses pours out of my ears.  After that..?  I don't know yet, but I'll keep you updated.


Thank-you.  I needed someone to listen, you're my rock.




nicholaannexx